Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
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