Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
Green mimosas i think yes
Did we literally take a cab across the street
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
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