My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Randomize
