If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
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