found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
Just high enough for therapy.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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