dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
