Please, let me fuck your mom
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
