I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
I just pynch a tree in the face
Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
Randomize
