capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Randomize
