i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Randomize
