I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
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