I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
