dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
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