I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
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