I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
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