Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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