He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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