he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
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