ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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