Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
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