Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
you're hired as official boob wrangler
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
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