I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
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