my mouth tastes like poor choices
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
Randomize
