It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
