Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
