If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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