I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
