i think my tv is drunk
yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
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