u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Randomize
