So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Randomize
