look no pants
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Randomize
