dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
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