but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
