Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize
