Sry I called you an 8
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
Randomize
