Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
I believe in your delicious
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
