Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Randomize
