I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
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