Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
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