So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize