I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
But break dance skills will only take you so far
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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