this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
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