i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Randomize
