she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
