wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
