Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
