the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Randomize
