I think I died a long time ago.
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
