using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
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