trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
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