Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
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