did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
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