We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Randomize
