god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
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