pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
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