That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
That accounts for only three of the penises
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Randomize
