So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
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