Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
i think i scared a bird with my dick
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
