I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
