you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
