i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Randomize
