You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
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