theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
