fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
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