yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Randomize
