I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
