I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
Randomize
